It seems that lately I have been preoccupied with the definition of family. Growing up in a "blended" family, you wouldn't think it would consume me so much, but it does. Granted, when we chose to adopt a child that did not look like us, I knew I was signing up for a lot of questions, and a lot of comments, but I did not know that they would get to me like they do. Not that my feelings are hurt, or that it should even matter, but sometimes I just wish that people would just let us be a family without the questions or the comments. Before I had Ana, I was always haunted by "that question"... "Do you have any kids." Somehow I felt that by answering, I was a lesser person. Not because people thought of me that way, but because I felt incomplete. I would avoid places where I thought the happy yuppie families would be. Walking through the baby section at Walmart would bring tears to my eyes. Now I have that family I have always wanted, and not much can make me cry anymore. Unless maybe you put a sharp needle under my fingernail, but other than that, no tears. I do however get frustrated, or saddened by what a lot of people view of a family is. I don't know if I just get tired of saying "I AM her real mother".. or "She IS my own". "Sure I could have kids! See, here she is right here!" Just because she did not fall out of my body does not mean that we do not share a bond. We are not broken, we have just chosen to adopt! "What was Ana's Mother like?" Well, she is about 5'7", green eyes, she has hair that changes colors with the season, she loves children, and she likes taking hikes on the mountain on a crisp spring day." "OH... you mean her first mother. Well, she was a wonderful person too. " Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Ana's first mother. I am so grateful for what she has done. I always want Ana to know that she is a big part of her life, and I want her to know how much love it took for her to put her up for adoption. What I don't want is for Ana to question that she is a part of our family. To ever think that we are not "her real parents". Any way, While I was obsessing over family, and what a family is, I pulled up a bunch of quotes about family... I thought you guys would enjoy.Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.
~ Oprah Winfrey
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.
~Johann Schiller
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
~Erma Bombeck
You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
~Desmond Tutu
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
~Evan Esar
Actually, you can choose your children.
~Ana's Mama
5 comments:
I have not come across this yet, but I know it will be coming. I usually get the looks when I am guiding Mia however, They can't look at her and see she is blind so they just thnk I am being over protective. And I have caught myself explaining to complete strangers that she is blind and adopted from Guatemala. Why I feel the urge I do not know, but they all say "Oh she is sooo lucky to have her!" Of course we feel just the opposite, we think we are the lucky ones and cannot imagine our lives without her anymore. We thought we had a good life, and we did, but now we have a better one.
Nichole
You said that very well. Ana is so your daughter and she will always be your daughter.
I get those questions, too, From people that know I adopted. I hate to say this, but I am almost relieved that my daughter looks a little like me so that I don't have to get these questions from strangers. I think it would probably get very old after a while and I might actually say something mean to them.
You don't owe anyone any explanations or answers. Just pretend like you never heard them in the first place.
The third one down(of the quotes) is actually one of my favorites, it was even one of my blog titles to one of my posts when I first started my blog.
Wow. Great post. Love the quotes.
I struggle with how to answer people as well. It's really obvious I'm not G's birthmom, but damnit, I am her mother!!!!! I too don't know why people feel entitled to push and snoop when not invited.
Thank you for posting this--I am sure I will struggle with this too!! I am blonde!! I love the part when you said you don't want Ana ever to question that she is part of your family.--you said it so well --me too!!!! These quotes are amazing!!! I love them!!!
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